It's been a month. A month of not talking to you, or hearing you laugh and seeing your smile. A month of the most agonizing pain I have EVER felt. A month of feeling like a part of me died, a part of my heart ripped out only to leave a gaping hole.
I am told that time heals and I know it does but not really, it's just that I will get used to it, I will get used to not talking to you or video chatting you on a daily basis. But.... I don't want to get used to it! I don't want to accept the fact that my very best friend and closest family member to me is gone. I was supposed to be stuck with you forever... and now I am stuck without you forever. How do you go from having this person so much in your daily life to not at all, with no warning nothing to prepare me for this? How?
People keep asking me how I am doing, I do not know what the right answer is. I tell them I am hanging in there, but that seems like a lie. I mean I am in a sense, I have to stay busy to really hang in there, but there isn't an hour that goes by that I don't have a thought of you or see something or think of something and say I need to call Charlotte and tell her. That's the worse by the way.
But what should I say? I can't say I'm great, that's a lie. But I don't want to bring other people's spirits down.
I want you to know your kids are stronger than they think they are. Don't get me wrong it's killing them not having you here, but they are strong. They remind me so much of you. I love talking to them cause it's like having a piece of you. They got your strength and your heart for sure. I just pray that they keep that alive and continue to pass it on for generations. Everyone needs a little Charlotte in them.
I have peace knowing where you are and that you get to dance with Jesus, you talked about that a lot. I am beyond happy that you gave your life to Christ just 2 short years ago and that you chose to live for him from that moment in everything you did. People keep telling me that I should be so happy because I am the one that helped you believe, and I am, I just didn't realize it would be so soon. I am so thankful for all the memories that we had sharing about God's love to each other and praying for each other. I am so happy that we got to go on retreats together, the next retreat I go on, if any, will be so different. You would be so happy to hear that 17-20 people gave their lives to Christ at your memorial, but I am sure you saw that. That's because of the testimony of your life and the love of God you showed to everyone.
The boys miss you sooooo much, Tyler especially. He was so close to you and you are the first person this close to him to pass away. He cries sometimes but he tries so hard to be strong. He says he has no other Aunties and I assured him he does, but there will never be another one as close to him as you were.
Emma is doing good, she is fitting right in and has attached herself to me even though she's Tyler s haha.
Thank you for being the best big sister I could ever ask for. I told this to you just a few days before you left for heaven, but I am sooooo thankful that God brought you back into my life and that we were able to get so close. God blessed me with the one thing I always wanted and that was family and you were a huge part of that. You were a huge instrument in getting me back into his family and that I am forever thankful.
I will forever love you and you are forever my big sister and I will miss you long after people forget.
I just wish I could video chat you, or talk to you one more time.
Love,
You little Sister Sharron
Comments
Post a Comment