It was a cool autumn morning, my husband, myself and my niece ran a 5k obstacle course run. The run was so fun and we all had amazing strength to get through the obstacles. We all had a great time together. Later that evening my husband and I were hosting our annual adult Halloween Party with all of our friends. Something we enjoy doing every year. My husband wasn't feeling very well, so he went to bed long before any guests left. I had no idea that when we would awake the next morning, things would be different for the next few months. My husband had a strong illness with Vertigo. Vertigo is a condition where you feel like everything around you is spinning. He could not walk, he crawled even to the bathroom and he laid in bed for weeks feeling like everything was constantly spinning.
Matthew 14 tells the story of Jesus sending the disciples across the Sea of Galilee without Him. He gave directions, and they obeyed. But when evening came, a storm kicked up. Verse 24 says, "The boat by this time was a long way from land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them."
From inside a boat, wind is your ultimate enemy. Wind causes the waves. The waves cause an uncertainty. They push away any security, predictability, or assurance you thought you had. The disciples may have expected smooth sailing, but what they got was a dreadful night of terror, exhaustion, and uncertainty. All because they followed Jesus' instructions.
This is kind of hard for me because I have always viewed the story as Jesus calming the waves and that they obey him,that is usually the message given with this. However he often times, like with the disciples, sends me into the storm. I don't like to face dark nights of uncertainty, I mean who does? I do not like being hit by waves of uncertainty or thrown into struggles. But as a follower of Jesus, I must recognize that sometimes my Lord leads me into storms rather than out of them. Sometimes He disrupts my smooth-sailing life and puts me face to face with the wind and waves.
By the third week that my husband was going through this, my husband started to slur his words and his sentences did not make any sense. So we decided to go to the doctors to see what they had to say about all this. At first the doctors thought it was just an inner ear thing, but upon further testing and looking they saw his ears were fine. They did a simple word test to test his neurological response and he had failed. They immediately sent him to the neurology department for further testing, thinking that he might be experiencing some kind of neurological damage or even mini strokes. The Neurologist wanted to keep him overnight to run tests and to perform an MRI the next night.
I can't begin to tell you the fear that overwhelmed me during this time. Thoughts of him not being around for the remainder of our son's (who was 4 at the time) life, just paralyzed me. To say that I had trouble sleeping that night is an understatement. I could not understand why God was allowing this to happen.
I'll bet the disciples wondered the same thing during their dark night of struggle. As Jesus' most dedicated followers, they had imagined long lives of serving their Lord, not being drowned by this storm. As that horrible night lingered, their strength drained and their stress arose. By the time Jesus showed up walking on the water, I'm sure they were completely spent and traumatized.
Jesus could have stepped out onto quiet waters. He could have unveiled His dignity and power to His disciples on some sunny day with birds chirping in the background. I'm sure they would have still been amazed.
But when Jesus came defying gravity, unaffected by the stormy gales after their dark night of suffering, the disciples saw Him in a completely new way. They saw Him as their Savior. They clung to His words of comfort like a life preserve. They welcomed His presence as their only hope. When the whole ordeal was over, they worshiped Jesus and said for the very first time, "Truly you are the Son of God" (Matt. 14:33).
Jesus did not intend to scare His disciples—not when He sent them into the storm and not when He came walking on the sea. He did intend to use this dark night as a setting.
We went through 3 months of this ongoing thing with my husband. The doctors do not know what it truly was, but are thinking it could have been a parasite of some sort that he picked a week or two prior to the attack. Those months went by forever and felt like a lifetime. I cried out to God daily during this dark time. Feeling pummeled by the waves day in and day out as I watched my husband, the strength of my marriage and the man of our house, hit with weakness, needing a walker to walk and not being able to be apart of the family for very long go through this. Daily I welcomed in my home God's presence as my only hope.
After about 2 months, my husband started doing better and walking more and being up more. After 3 months he was going back to work and living a "normal" life again. He still on occasion deals with the vertigo, but not anything like before.
I'm so thankful for the sunny days of rest that God allows. But I also know there will be other dark nights when God leads me back into a storm. These prolonged periods of painful uncertainty aren't meant to terrify us; they are meant to set the setting. Against the darkness of the storm, Jesus shines most brightly and His comfort and presence are most dear. In the storm, we see Christ's beauty and feel His presence in a way that we cannot when the birds are chirping in the background.
Are you in a storm? Is your faith being blasted by wind and waves of uncertainty? How has Christ's presence become more comforting in the storm? How have His promises become more dear? Watch for Jesus to reveal Himself—even today—in new and precious ways against the setting of your storm.
Matthew 14 tells the story of Jesus sending the disciples across the Sea of Galilee without Him. He gave directions, and they obeyed. But when evening came, a storm kicked up. Verse 24 says, "The boat by this time was a long way from land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them."
From inside a boat, wind is your ultimate enemy. Wind causes the waves. The waves cause an uncertainty. They push away any security, predictability, or assurance you thought you had. The disciples may have expected smooth sailing, but what they got was a dreadful night of terror, exhaustion, and uncertainty. All because they followed Jesus' instructions.
This is kind of hard for me because I have always viewed the story as Jesus calming the waves and that they obey him,that is usually the message given with this. However he often times, like with the disciples, sends me into the storm. I don't like to face dark nights of uncertainty, I mean who does? I do not like being hit by waves of uncertainty or thrown into struggles. But as a follower of Jesus, I must recognize that sometimes my Lord leads me into storms rather than out of them. Sometimes He disrupts my smooth-sailing life and puts me face to face with the wind and waves.
By the third week that my husband was going through this, my husband started to slur his words and his sentences did not make any sense. So we decided to go to the doctors to see what they had to say about all this. At first the doctors thought it was just an inner ear thing, but upon further testing and looking they saw his ears were fine. They did a simple word test to test his neurological response and he had failed. They immediately sent him to the neurology department for further testing, thinking that he might be experiencing some kind of neurological damage or even mini strokes. The Neurologist wanted to keep him overnight to run tests and to perform an MRI the next night.
I can't begin to tell you the fear that overwhelmed me during this time. Thoughts of him not being around for the remainder of our son's (who was 4 at the time) life, just paralyzed me. To say that I had trouble sleeping that night is an understatement. I could not understand why God was allowing this to happen.
I'll bet the disciples wondered the same thing during their dark night of struggle. As Jesus' most dedicated followers, they had imagined long lives of serving their Lord, not being drowned by this storm. As that horrible night lingered, their strength drained and their stress arose. By the time Jesus showed up walking on the water, I'm sure they were completely spent and traumatized.
Jesus could have stepped out onto quiet waters. He could have unveiled His dignity and power to His disciples on some sunny day with birds chirping in the background. I'm sure they would have still been amazed.
But when Jesus came defying gravity, unaffected by the stormy gales after their dark night of suffering, the disciples saw Him in a completely new way. They saw Him as their Savior. They clung to His words of comfort like a life preserve. They welcomed His presence as their only hope. When the whole ordeal was over, they worshiped Jesus and said for the very first time, "Truly you are the Son of God" (Matt. 14:33).
Jesus did not intend to scare His disciples—not when He sent them into the storm and not when He came walking on the sea. He did intend to use this dark night as a setting.
We went through 3 months of this ongoing thing with my husband. The doctors do not know what it truly was, but are thinking it could have been a parasite of some sort that he picked a week or two prior to the attack. Those months went by forever and felt like a lifetime. I cried out to God daily during this dark time. Feeling pummeled by the waves day in and day out as I watched my husband, the strength of my marriage and the man of our house, hit with weakness, needing a walker to walk and not being able to be apart of the family for very long go through this. Daily I welcomed in my home God's presence as my only hope.
After about 2 months, my husband started doing better and walking more and being up more. After 3 months he was going back to work and living a "normal" life again. He still on occasion deals with the vertigo, but not anything like before.
I'm so thankful for the sunny days of rest that God allows. But I also know there will be other dark nights when God leads me back into a storm. These prolonged periods of painful uncertainty aren't meant to terrify us; they are meant to set the setting. Against the darkness of the storm, Jesus shines most brightly and His comfort and presence are most dear. In the storm, we see Christ's beauty and feel His presence in a way that we cannot when the birds are chirping in the background.
Are you in a storm? Is your faith being blasted by wind and waves of uncertainty? How has Christ's presence become more comforting in the storm? How have His promises become more dear? Watch for Jesus to reveal Himself—even today—in new and precious ways against the setting of your storm.
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