I am not normally this sad so please don't judge my blog on this one, its just all my friends really don't truly understand as alot of them have never lost a loved one. They're very blessed!
Today was kind of a hard day,... it was the day that marked 4 years since my mom passed away from lung/breast cancer. She had had breast cancer and got it removed but it spread to her lungs and she was fighting it when she developed liquid in her lungs and they operated which worsened her health and we lost her one short week after the surgery.
It has been super hard without her, I mean don't get me wrong I get by but sometimes it would be nice to just talk to her.
But today is the day she died 4 years ago and as it has gotten easier over the years sometimes, I am reminded of all the things she has missed. Number one... Me having my son! Gosh she would have loved him. See she has a special bond with her grandsons! and well not having her to help with things for my first child is very hard! I am surrounded by people who have family to help them and to be a part of their lives and to tell you the truth I am soooooo jealous, because well I don't. And some of them I feel take it for granted. To have family around for holidays or to have a family night, or just spend time with.
And oh how I so wish my son could have met her and had her influence as a grandparent in his life. There are so many times I sound just like her(as much as I said I would never) and I wonder if I am doing a good job like her.
Its really hard being this young and having a parent gone already, its weird I never thought it would be this way, but God has a reason for everything right?
I guess on the bright side as my son grows up I can tell him all the wonderful stories of his Grandma and tell him how much she would have loved him.
Have you ever just wanted one more conversation with someone, like it would totally change things right?
I do! I have so many questions still and to just hear her quirky laugh again would be amazing. Or to play a game with her and her get all loud and accuse everyone of cheating because they are beating her lol.
Just one more day,one more phone call,one more anything.........
Well I promise my next blog will be more bubbly! This is just on my heart tonight!!!!
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